hope this isnt confusing lol.. but i hope it helps somehow.

v  The first step toward having an intimate relationship that works

• Key concept: you respect and validate your own emotions.
• If you don’t care about your emotions, no one will either
• You don’t go against how you feel emotionally.
• Enables you to be able to set psychological boundaries between you and another person.
• Allows you to be emotionally intimate in a relationship.

v  Two requirements for successful relationship

• The first requirement is that you are able to take care of yourself financiallyin the adult world.
  • You don’t need another adult for your economic survival.
  • The second requirement is that you are able to live alone emotionally.

v  Is it love or dependency?

• When the two requirements are not met, a dependent relationship is formed.
• Dependency and love/intimacy don’t mix when it comes to an adult relationship.
• Dependency will imbalance the boundaries
• You can be temporarily dependent, but if your partner leaves, you can still take care of yourself.

v  Effects of dependency on a relationship:

• When an adult is dependent, they develop resentment toward their partner.
• Resentment poisons the love a couple shares.
• “I need you, but I hate you because I need you.”
  “Love/Hate” or “Hate/Need” relationship?
• Very little psychological risk is taken. No risk – no intimacy.

v  Characteristics of dependent personality type (run away from this type)

• Inability to take responsibility for their behavior.
• In denial that they contribute to any kind of personal problems.
• Tend to blame others for their problems.
• Unable to listen without being defensive.
• Flip flop between acting out anger, being remorseful and then “nice.”

v  Communication with Self Transactional Analysis Model

• Parent
  •  Critical  (socialized rules)
  •  nurturing (accepting, loving, nurturing)
  • Adult
    •  the “Decision Maker”
    • Child
      •  adaptive (to feel secure, avoid conflict) [security: no intimacy] [truth vs. harmony]
      • rebel
      •  natural
      • Parent self talking to child self (talking to yourself)
        • “I should…”
        • “I should not…”
          • Emotion: guilt
• “I got to…”
• “I ought to...”
• “Name calling” (fat, skinny, stupid, idiot, etc.) [creates resistance to change]
• Acceptance is to produce change
• Adult says [different from parent]
  • “I want to…”
  • Emotions are “the guide”
  • Child adaptive
    • Wants security, chooses harmony
    • Never tells what he/she want, does not tell the truth
    • Rage builds up, rebels, affair
    • Not leave marriage because of security during affair
    • To produce change
      • Awareness
      • Motivation
      • Acceptance

v  “Care enough not to care” when it comes to a parent-child dependency relationship

• Meaning: if you stop doing stuff for the S.O. so he/she can do it for him/herself or take his/her own responsibility for him/herself, it will better him/her as an individual.
  • Or care enough for the S.O. so that he/she can grow on his/her own.
  • In other words, stop babying the person

bored in the lab again :p

i LOVE the song "stitch by stitch" by javier colon.. and "inventing shadows" by dia frampton. i dont think they wrote the song tho. but still! love it! (from the show: the voice).

i need to ask the scary lady from nursing department a few questions.. but i feel like she wouldnt know.. and that she might give me attitude again.. :/... but i must face my fears!! and in the future, i will deal with more rude ppl anyways! lol even tho i deal with them from time to time at financial aid office anyways.

its fun working in the lab sometimes and i learn about ppl's lives and they give me life lessons or life advice. and few of them are really inspiring. like that one guy who went to jail for doing these certain criminal actions and is changing his life around. and this asian lady told me today that i shouldnt look 2 years from now. just look into the present and focus on what i need to do now. cause looking into the far future will stress me out. she says if i look into the present, b4 i know it, im there.

its nice to be given the same advice even tho maybe i have given that advice to others. cause its like.. a self realization? i dunno. cause even when you tell someone something, you dont see it for yourself when it happens to you. yadada? lol

eva is buying ching chong food for us today :9 i wish i knew ahead of time, cause i brought soooo much food for myself.. lol! jay made me a sandwich too.. maybe ill eat half of the sandwich and half of chinese food hehehe.. im such a fatty. but im starting to eat better and exercising more. i cant go to cardio kickboxing this week cause class was cancelled on tuesday and this thursday i have appt at planned parenthood.. pray for me that the procedure will go well!! >< so scared..

so the 4th of july singing flag in concord was koo. it was Jay, me, Hang, and Mark. Hang is such a scaredy cat! lol cause she was shy to ask the guys in monkey costumes to have a picture with them. i was gonna ask the monkeys for her but they walked off somewhere out of sight ><..

i got a picture of the bear from The Jungle. and chubaka.. hahaha.. i wanted to take a pic with the white guard from star wars.. i forget what theyre called. but dunno where the person went.

Jay hecka yelled in my ear when the fire works started ><.. reflex! i smacked him in the face.. hehehe.. he got pist off and i apologized. .. other than that, he was glad that he went cause he didnt want to go at first. he was lazy and tired, but i forced him xD and at the end he had fun, yay!

yesterday i registered for a CPR class. i found one thats 45 dollars! cause others are like.. 80-110 dollars ><... and Jay's sister says i need the hands on training, not the online cause thats for renewal.

man yesterday was sooo hot ><... and i exercised in the hot gym too.. omgah.. hecka sweaty!! what happened to the AC!?!?!?.. oh well, i burn more calories right?

im so proud of Jay, he's really trying hard in school right now :] he has a midterm and two quizes this week [from the same class! physics].. and he's been studying and going to the teacher's office hours to ask questions.

hungry..........

oh man my eye sight has gotten worse ><!! especially my right eye.. i wonder if my blurred vision gets so bad, is it possible that contacts can only be prescribed  at a certain limit?? i wouldnt like to switch to glasses all the time..

anyways.. Happy 4th of July!! Jay and i are going to concord's singing festival to see fireworks and performances. maybe we'll have a picnic

my right arm is still a lil sore from the shots i got recently.. 4 shots and a physical cost 500 bucks almost.. T-T..

my bro lended me 300 bucks and my dad is gonna lend me some money too for the nursing program and ill owe them back at the end.

its so warm inside the apartment @.@... good thing we have our electric fan now.

yay! Javier Colon won in The Voice! i love when he sang the song "stitch by stitch".. i was hoping for him to win :]

i think there should be some kind of invention to get something out of the oven besides mittens.. cause im scared ima drop the hot baked dish..

Jay made banana bread by scratch. its definitely a different texture and color from the kinds you buy at the store. but its still really good and still tastes like banana bread :9

yesterday he made a banana split and it looked so pretty! ill post the pic on fb soonish.

Fushigi Yuugi brings me back good memories ^_^ i would watch it again for the 3rd time.

its funny when i see Jay's church members, most of them are really friendly and would hug me and cheek kiss me and i dont even remember/know their names! lol.. and few of the male adults kiss me on the cheek.. and i dont even know them >.>... i just know that they know Jay and are church members. its funny and weird.

i was watching a video about how to make your boobs bigger [i was just curious, i have no intention in making mine look bigger lol].. and it just reminded me of Krys cause she always complains about hers and wants them to look bigger. lol!

im hungry..

lol xanga's becoming like fb?? o.O

i miss you all!!!! T_T... i need to vent to more ppl! lol

but i want to in person

i want to tell you guys about this mean old lady who made me cry yesterday.. im totally reporting her.. ><

so im in the comp lab again working...

omgah! yesterday i went to get my IUD/IUC inserted.. and it was soooooo painful T-T... i didnt cry, but when i got home i felt like crying.. i felt a lil traumatized.. the procedure was unsuccessful .. cause too much resistance and i just couldnt relax cause of the pain.. even tho they gave me pain reliever medication. so i made another appt, and they will give me a muscle relaxer medication. i hope i can do this... ><...  they said i will feel some cramping.. that is an understatement!! lol..

i felt like i wasted soo much of my time.. when i couldve been at cardio kickboxing class. i showed up to the class. Andrea [from high school] was there. i got the add code, so yay! im taking it :] the instructor is this old white lady, but her body is fit lol

yesterday there was so many rude ppl!!

like this lady wearing sunglasses came in [really? cant you take them off? so i can talk to you and make eye contact].. and she has the nerve to say "so what do YOU do??" -.-.. while i was working in the front counter.

and there was this hispanic guy and we think he's racist cause he's mean to Jerry and Tami who are black and white. lol. and he was nice to Chunni [yellow].. hahahaha! anyways, he was really mean to Jerry. few days ago, he told Jerry as they walked by each other outside the office, "what the fuck are you looking at!?!?" and yesterday he kept asking if Jerry can just take his ssn #, or swipe his ID card, instead of giving his ID #. Jerry kept saying no, and the guy got really upset. and said "you are really not resourceful!! are you an intern?? i want to talk to the manager!!"

and this other lady, i didnt see her face tho. she got really pissed off cause someone told her the wrong information. that i could see why she would be pissed off tho, but she doesnt have to raise her voice.

cant wait till Jay gets his financial aid ><.. lol.

ive been lazy watching my drama. im at episode 5 and a half lol.

Jay's sister is letting him borrow 400 bucks for the next rent.

im being currently paid 12.19 bucks an hour! and i didnt even know!! lol. this started at the end of may, ever since i became an hourly worker. but unfortunately, im going back to 9.84 cause ima be a student again in the fall.. starting july tho =/... but at least i get more money right now, especially cause of soo much bills!

which reminds me.. i need to pay our cell phone bill ><... and its really expensive this time cause we paid too late last time..

yesterday, i worked from 10:30AM to 7PM @.@.. longest ive worked! lol.. it wasnt bad tho. they needed me there cause Jerry was sick, Faidra had to go to brentwood center, and Chunni had a conference meeting. so it was mostly me and Eva at the end. Tami was there until 5PM.

at work, i picked up a phone to this one man, and he was freakin out! getting all mad at me cause i told him since he's on suspension, he has to sign up and go to a SAP workshop and appeal. and he was all cussing and stuff why he has to do it again. and i checked the list to see if his name is on there for the next workshop, and he was there. i told him and then he was like "really!? i am!? omg you have made my day!! thank you!! im so sorry for cussing earlier" and i said "oh no its ok lol" and he said "no no, im sorry, but i was freaking out cause im having an asthma attack, im at the hospital right now"... me: o.O.. oh... get better!

after work, there were these two students who found a broken winged hummingbird! we gave them a box to put it in. i wanted to pet it, and right b4 i did, it started to try and fly, so i got freaked out and i didnt pet it T-T... sigh... i was sooo close.. i wonder if its full of disease like how pigeons are.

this week i dont have to go to church and work! yay! and i still  get paid the same .. cause the church members are going out for father's day.

my dad is turning i think.. 59 this wednesday :O

im a bit annoyed at jay right now -___-.. and yes its over something stupid lol.

he tried to make a riddle and i thought it was a dumb riddle, and we started arguing about it xD LOL

anyways..

im watching a new drama called Can You Hear My Heart. its pretty good! so far. i wanted to cry at a few parts but jay was there and i didnt want him to see me cry haha.

i wanna work out! but Anielle lives far from me now ..

im thinking of just going by myself to the gym at my apartment complex. i just hope no ghetto person is there.. jay doesnt like the gym cause there are no free weights.

im getting my IUC next thursday. i hope my body doesnt reject it. its the copper IUC.. who knew that copper kills sperm o.O

got my grades and im just content with them... 2 B's and 1 A.

i think im just cranky today.. cause i asked this worker at a different office somethin and i got annoyed:

girl: we're closed now
me: oh ok...what days will you be open until 7?
girl: no...on mondays and thursdays we open until 5 and tuesdays and wednesdays we open until 7.
what i wanted to reply with: i didnt ask a 'yes' or 'no' question, stupid! -.-
what i really replied with: ok thanks..

man am i on post-period bitchiness xD

ParaGard® Intrauterine Contraceptive (IUC) is a different kind of birth control. But it's one of the most effective kinds available. It's even more effective than the Pill. But, unlike the Pill (and patch, ring, and shots), it's hormone-free. So it's great for women who prefer not to use hormones or can't for health reasons.

the only thing i worry about is the cost.. maybe planned parenthood can over at least most of the cost

so im thinking of getting off BC pills cause i believe its causing me to have hair loss ><... seriously! im shedding like crazy and my hair feels super thin ><.... aaahhh!!

im trying to find out/research if the BC patch causes hair loss as well.. but there are barely any reports of it :/..

anyways, i believe i did well on all my finals :]

yay tomorrow is the bbq! ^_^ i know hella ppl are coming late -___-.. oh you filipino ppl -.- [excluding Jay cause he's always on time with everything lol]