kinda sad still..

i dunno whats wrong with me.. i think its cause..

1. no money to spend and have fun with

2. friends are all busy or busy with their ambitions

3. on academic probation with the nursing program

-___-

i feel so weak and negative.. like i feel like im not going to pass.. ><

watching tv and on youtube makes me feel like im wasting my day..

i just worked out and i feel better at least.

i wanted to hang out with Hang for a few hours so we can hopefully get our minds off of things together lol. but she's not answering >< oh well its ok.

Jay is concerned but sometimes i feel like not talking or i dunno what to tell him.

so all day ive been studying for my test tomorrow and practicing for the tests later this week..

i took a nap when i got home and it felt awesome

i feel guilty for not working :/...

and when im working, i feel guilty that im not studying at that time ><..

i feel so appreciative of Jay mostly cooking and cleaning. w/o him i would be more stressed out. even tho i wont admit it to him cause he's always cocky/playing around saying "arent i the best bf ever!?!?" lol.. but yea he is to me :]

yay he's getting financial aid this weekend! which means he can finally buy stuff for me this time xD..

this week is nerve wrecking!! blahhh!!!

anyways.. yosemite was awesome! i had fun and a lot of the time i kept my mind off the tests and stress. i climbed bridal falls w/ Jay and his lil bro(Marc) and lil bro in law (Justin). it was such a workout! i will post up pics later on fb :]

my brother bought a new (used) car. a toyota mr2 2003. i drove like.. around the corner and then reverse.. hahaha. its like Uly's car with the semi-manual or w/e.  i kinda dont like how it feels tho, but the look of it is koo. too bad the convertible top is not automatic.. he bought it from the dealership for 10k. @.@... Jay says he coulda gotten it cheaper on craigslist.. but oh well. Jason is trying to clear out the garage and asking Jay's help so Jason can put in the car inside cause.... the neighborhood has gotten kinda ghetto...

anyways

i wonder if im overworking myself..

i go to school either at 8am or 9am... and work afterwards until 5pm or 7pm (except mondays i dont have school and i work 10-3)..

and then afterwards, when i get home and after eating, i read and read (omgah theres a lot of reading! but i divide my work each day)..

i try to fit working out each day for at the most one hour...(except today, i made it my rest day teehee)

my back/shoulder is hurting again ><..

and it sucks that im mostly supporting the bills, food, supplies, etc.. (including Jay's).. he's still looking for a job tho.

i also feel obligated to work more too because of how far behind the office is including my part in it.. plus i need more money..

its weird cause i dont feel very worried about it....... and that worries me... lol

was kinda overwhelming.. lots of information.. i start clinicals in 3 weeks now. theres so many steps..

when i printed out the syllabus (two of them were 50 pages long).. and the lecture notes online.. and other forms.. i ran out of ink in one day -_____-.. the student handbook was freaking 70+ pages!!! D: .... my poor printer that i recently bought.

Ronnie and i made a new friend named Carl.. for some reason i keep calling him Clark hahaha.. he's filipino too. he's a nerd xD i think he's pretty smart.

my lab partner is Veronica :] she's very experienced cause she works in EMT currently.

the instructors are all nice

did i mention Jay's ex is in my class? i dunno why.. i have the tendency to keep looking over at her.. like "what did Jay ever see in her...." LOL.. Ronnie told me that she was in his anatomy class b4 and in the same semester she had 3 different bfs.. o.O..

i did my first time ever measuring BP. it was kinda tricky.. luckily i got a free stethoscope! from a raffle drawing. i should buy a BP cuff. i wonder if walmart sells it..

i get to see Rodi a few times a week during break/lunch :] her and her dramatic self xD

-----------------------------

ill never understand those who walk inside their homes w/ shoes ON...... its just another pet peeve of mine.. when Jay does it to just walk from the door to the patio, i get a lil irritated. i dont care if its just from the door to the shoe rack to take off shoes, thats fine.. but other than that, it makes me cringe.

im a lil annoyed at work cause they moved my cubicle -___-.. to the one in the far back next to the scanning cubicle.. its so cramped there with boxes and other stuff.. and Jerry barely picks up the phone now.. so its mostly me picking it up. Reggie (work study coordinator) now works in our office but only for a few hours.

i might go to yosemite with Jay and his family next weekend!!! i hope i can go! i hope i dont have a lot of hw ><.. i wonder if theres signal over there tho...........

i need to work out.. i skipped yesterday cause i fell asleep at 8:30PM.. and woke up this morning at 7:15AM LOL... and lately ive been eating a lot of carbs.. pizza and pasta.. ><

anyways.. i miss you guys!!

nursing program starts tomorrow!!!! D: ... im scurred!!! lol

everyone thinks ima do well.. but i dunno..

Chunni says im sooo patient (cause at work, when a student is giving me attitude/being rude, i keep calm and try to help them out still). and she says ima be a great nurse cause of that. well.... the only thing im not sure of is seeing all the grossness when it comes to being a nurse. like.. guts, broken limbs, bones sticking out, all that nasty gory stuff.. and poop.. lol.

Chunni is sooooo sweet to me :] i love her (not that way). she bought me pizza (and i dunno who else) and didnt buy any for herself cause she knows how hard we work. and she has hugged me twice this one morning cause she knows i have a lot of work to do and another time cause she's so happy that im still working there in the office.  im finally caught up with my work!!

but after next week.. i dont think i will be.. >.>. cause im only working 3 days a week now ><...

i had my first hourly workers' meeting with the director. it was interesting. i was pretty quiet cause they were mostly going over everything that was important to know or change. the director seemed concerned that i was quiet.. maybe its just cause i dont have a lot to complain about?? haha lol.. jk.. i have a lot to complain about. but i dont like to complain out loud/whine... i guess..

Jay is on financial aid suspension -___-.. cause he couldnt pull up his grades enough over 2.0.. and how the financial aid GPA calculations are retarded.. seriously.... if you get a "W"... its basically like an F..... a zero.... and a "pass" or "no pass" grade is treated like a C if you pass...anyways, im making Jay appeal. i took his draft of his appeal explanation and wrote my (better) version of it xD.

Jerry (coworker) and i have been stumped on how to calculate the GPA.. cause i learned it like it is in HS.. but in college they do it differently.. cause you calculate it with the units too. its sooo weird! and such a longer process -_____-...but yea, i finally figured it out.

Eva cried today cause a student called her and was yelling at her. and it was cause Faidra told the student false information. Chunni and i comforted her a lil bit. i hugged her and said to her "aw its ok, youre just doing your job, its not your fault :]".. i never let the student make me feel like sh*t.. i mean, they might annoy me to hecks.. but never make me cry. cause.. i mean... they dont have the power.. buahahah! jk.

and when Faidra came to the office, Chunni was comforting Eva at the time. and Eva said out loud "i wouldnt have to deal with this if someone just did their job!!!".. i was like.. o.o.. uh oh. but i think Faidra had no clue.

freaking stupid lady calls and i answer:

lady: hello! can i make a complaint! can you give me the number for me to complain about this office!?

me: oh ok, hold on.

lady: NO! DONT PUT ME ON HOLD! GIVE ME THE NUMBER!

me: *trying soo hard not to yell*.. well, i need to put you on hold so i can GET the [f*ckin] number [!]

lady: oh you think youre smart?

me: *puts lady on hold xD*

----------------------------------------------------

seriously.. ppl need to EFFING calm the EFF down!! its YOUR responsibility to EFFING get all your docs in! not our job!! its all on YOU! be an adult! we're not here to baby you! we may not be able to remind you, cause sometimes the e-mails could be wrong.. but thats why you have your EFFING webadvisor!! and if you just submit your fafsa, and NEVER check back on it till school starts and you expect to be paid???? hah! you hecksa dumb! LOL..

i hate when ppl say "how am i spose to afford my books????"... YOU KNOW WHAT?? you dont even get the EFFING checks until after a week or two after school starts anyways! so pay out of your effing pocket! dont got money?? well thats your responsibility and shoulda thought of that b4. SERIOUSLY! stop relying on financial aid checks ONLY to support your bills and expenses! find a job! i know its not easy, but you cant just rely on financial aid.

cause its NOT our problem that you didnt turn in docs on time. its not our fault you cant pay your books. its not our fault you ignant!its not our fault you forgot what your effing ID # is!

----------------------------------------------------

ok vent done.. ...

i cant sleep!! im soooo full @.@... Jay and i decided to go to denny's cause we were hungry.. and it was 2am or something.. hehe.. we're fatties :]

i got really really sleepy.. and i fell asleep for an hour i think.. woke up cause my tummy feels soo full and i had to wash up and take my contacts out.

anyways... omgah this week was sooooo long wasnt it???

i worked hella hours!! but i feel good cause i got a lot of work done! i felt kinda behind last week.

theres kinda drama in the office between Tami and Eva. Tami tells me that Eva is being mean to her =/.. Tami told Loretta (director).. and Loretta (i guess) yelled at Eva.. and Eva cried that day.. o.O... at first i didnt notice she was crying (cause im oblivious to everything ><;;..).. i didnt even know Eva was being mean! i mean.. she did seem grumpy, like i got that vibe from her so i tried not to create conflict and didnt ask her as much questions or talk a lot to her.

Chunni just adores me .. she hugged me twice yesterday cause she knows how much work i have on my shoulders.. and the other hug because shes so happy that im working still there. ^___^.. she's totally invited to my future wedding. haha

Jerry is just fun to talk to. joke w/ or gossip with in the office lol

Tami and Chunni always got my back :].. Tami is totally invited too. hahaha (im kinda afraid that at my future wedding ceremony, if Jay is the one i marry, he's gonna have more ppl on his side than me....><.. cause he knows hecka ppl!!!!)

Faidra is... on and off. like.. sometimes she got my back at the front counter.. but then there was this one time where she made me feel nonexistent.. but then she put my appeal form first priority.. but a lot of times she never says bye to me when she leaves but says bye to everyone else...... lol..

omgah... i bought my nurse book bundles yesterday.. cost 800+.... minus 400 dollars (from book voucher)... and it comes in a box. i had to carry that box all the way from the book store to the office.. i couldnt make it all the way, it got soooo heavy and my arms were feeling the burn. but good thing George (who works in the EOPS office) came to the rescue cause he saw me struggling and carried it for me to the office. :].. later i made Jay come to the office to carry it to the car hahaha..

im not totally sure who is coming later today.. i think its so far.. Hang, Anielle, Adrian, Geron, and JanJan. not sure bout the rest.

nursing program in a week! eeekkk!! scared!!

night

swear.. like i remember the past when Jay said something... and then later i hear something else... for example:

(past)

me: i dunno whether or not to call your sister "ate".. cause thats your culture, not mine.

Jay: go ahead. ivan and susanna call her ate

me:...eh.. ok..

(present)

me: *puts in a comment on fb telling Jay's sister "yw ate!"*

Jay: ahaha you said ate

me: hmm?? why??

Jay: my sister hates it when ppl call her ate. it makes her feel old.

me: what?? but its out of respect

Jay: i know, shes just a dork. she wont even let ivan or susanna call her ate.

me: *confused*.. ok... i can stop calling her that then

Jay: no dont stop. its funny

me: -_____-;;

swear......... are my ears hearing something else??

and sometimes Jay asks me "remember when we saw blah blah blah blah".... and i completely dont remember... o.O.. or whenever he tells me something sometimes i dont remember him telling me at all!... and i say "what?? you said that?? when????" and he goes "see how much you pay attention to me? -____-" lol

i was watching an infomercial last night that lasted for 20 mins.

its like p90x, except more cardio kickboxing and dancing. Jay bought me the disc set since i was interested in it lol. it cost like.. 120 around.

Anielle should totally join me! :]

yea... beach body!! xD

it also comes with free two different bands.

the longest vid is like 40 mins long, but its for stretching. im so excited to get it

and since Jay bought it, im more motivated to use it lol.. and also since he bought it, he will force me to use it lol.......

Uly: when do you want your p90x back? i only used it twice haha

the nurse bbq is today in an hour.. i think itll be awkward.. but at least i know Rodi and Ronnie ish gonna be there.. and my former classmate Veronica is gonna be there.. and this girl i met while checking her financial aid status is gonna be there too, named Zohra.

i think it might be awkward seeing Cynthia there since she has given me a hard time b4 and also Jay's ex might be there >.>.. i think she got into the program too [even tho she failed last time she was in the program]

im planning to buy Jay two new blu cig batteries [electric cigarettes] and vanilla flavored filters. and either the nono hair removal product... or a diamond stud earring since he always wanted one [he already has his ear pierced, but it might close sooner or later]. i already found a good price diamond earring online but im confused on the size of it.. but it has really good reviews.

no one has blogged like in forever!!!!! D: especially Rox!!! lol

so anyways, yesterday was soooo fun with pictionary xD i LOVE Anielle's drawings hahahahhahaha so funnie!! we need to do it again. maybe this time with color markers. Uly is lame for being sleepy. JanJan and Geron are lame for leaving early.

oh yea, sorry bout Jay being all mean and talking sh*t bout Gaby. but he really does have an opinion and will tell it and doesnt care what ppl think..>.>..but i mean, he doesnt call someone a b*tch for no apparent reason tho.. kinda reminds me of Rodi lol.

i feel fat and sore at the same time.. i did p90x plymetrics [sp?] on saturday.. and ab ripper x yesterday b4 ppl came over. and then today i just ate 4 pieces of homecooked bbq baked chicken w/ skin on them.. :9... it was sooooooooooooooooooo good. tomorrow ill do the cardio kickboxing class tho!

my CPR class is this thursday. ima be making out with a dummy ;]

i need more fiber in my system.

whats going on with the LA trip?? im so confused..... lol

work today was soooo hectic!! it was like all the grouchy students planned to call, complain, and be poopoo heads -___-... someone said she was lied to by Eva and if she doesnt talk to the director now, then she's going to sue financial aid.. o.O.. i dont think she can really win tho with anything lol.

at work, i finally caught up with downloading/processing student's files where now they can view their missing information letter.i also had to clear messages off the phones and had to write down 30 ppl's numbers to call back -___-.. took forever!! Eva was grumpy today. she's really stressed.. i dont like to ask her much questions. i usually ask Chunni questions but she wont be at work till thursday ><... nooo! i had so much to do that i didnt even take my break and took only my lunch.

i need to poo

Adrian is not very responsive to how much the disneyland tickets are with his discount.

i wanna work out my back.. but i dunno how.

haha heard/watched on tv

*girl booty bumpin near a wall while guys watch*

guy: all of us are creating sins in our heads.

hahaha sorry i thot that was funny :]

anyways..

Cynthia from the nurse department haunts me a lil.. each time i think of her, i get this negative feeling and makes me feel uncomfortable..

theres this container thats been in the fridge for a long time and i think theres mold growing.. eeeww! i dont wanna touch it >< haha

couple days ago i downloaded the auto tune app and it was fun to play with hehehe..

bored.. and hungry.. :p