so.. i dont think i will be celebrating thanksgiving this year..... cause i have sooooooo much to study!! and so little time!! just like halloween, all day/night i studied.. but halloween is less important haha

no black friday T-T.. cause we should save money and i need to study too.....sigh... maybe ill order like.. one thing online. i wanna by myself some cute/fashionable leg warmers cause my legs are always cold xD

i shouldnt even be blogging right now :/.. bleh!!!

saw Rox and Peter today. was nice seeing them again after how long.. it was funny, me in my nursing program uniform.. and them in their EMT uniform at the cafeteria. 

more coffee!!! .. but ive been good lately, i havent drank coffee all week! i think.. i dont remember.. lol

so yea.. i dont think ill be hanging out w/ anyone for a while [exception to Jay's dad's bday] until the end of the semester..

i pushed the "start toast" button... and it wouldnt stay, so i pushed a lil harder.. then the button got stuck! Dx and i managed to get the button out with a knife, but it was still toasting! lol oh well. ill buy a new one.

sigh.. nursing class sooo hard... one of my classes im one point away from passing. the finals are going to scare me...... 

Jay's ex dropped the class. that sucks tho, cause this is the second time she got in. 

one of our other classmate dropped too. he couldnt keep his grades up w/ the test :/... i tried giving him tips earlier, but i guess didnt work..

i had fun w/ Anielle, Adrian, and Hang a few days ago. went to Korea BBQ Plus. we should totally go to the oakland one.. maybe when break is here...

im such a fatty. i keep eating when im bored, when i want to distract my attention away from studying.. or just cause. and i started drinking sugary drinks again.

im getting a belly and another chin xD... but when break is here ill work out everyday. and i wanna do DDR w/ Hang.

gonna watch the Pacquiao fight at Jay's sister's house. im really trying hard to say "ate" and "kuya" to Jay's sister and brother in law... but it wont come out!!! it just feels weird. haha.. but i want to be respectful. i dont want to refer to them w/ their names. 

looking forward to...

weekend? yes so that i have more time studying

tv show? when im watching something, i feel guilty that im not studying ><

ice cream? i could.. but i feel fat cause i havent exercised in a while ><

ten minute walk? again i would feel guilty cause its time not spent on studying ><

but i do feel better now tho. 

my car is working thanks to Jay

i recently looked at my bank account and i have money now :] cause of financial aid.

and i feel good today cause i had a good experience in the OR at sutter delta. i think i want to be an OR nurse..... i shall see!

this is my dream future! not as complex as Uly's lol

a stay at home job (dunno what), and Jay will be the one mostly supporting the bills, getting married between 25-27, have 3 kids later on, have already been to Hawaii, NY, TX, FL, Taiwan again, China, Japan, Korea, PI, England, and maybe others. very fluent in mandarin and taiwanese dialect. a beach house would be nice.. lol. or just a suburb home that has 5 bedrooms [not in pittsburg or antioch], one being master bedroom of course, one being Jay's gym, one being my own art studio, and the other 2 rooms is for the kids. we will have 2 dogs and some fishes. 

looks definite that stay at home job is gone. lol since i chose a nursing career. 

anyways....

my car isnt working ><... Jay is trying to fix it.

we got our financial aid checks, yay

my butt hurts from sitting too long.. my ankles are tired from standing too long during clinicals.. lol...... 

waiting for the madness to end!! when will that be!?!? 

i feel so.. emotionally dull.. if that makes sense. like im in a state of stagnation [even tho im not, but it feels like it] i think i have a chemical imbalance right now from not exercising and eating right and the stress. 

i feel bad for Jay cause i know he's physically tired too from him doing all the chores and mostly cooking [except i cooked breakfast this time *gasp*].. and fixing the car and depositing checks for me and grocery shopping.. and he does so much for me, i feel like he's getting tired of it.... :/

lack of sleep, stress.. and i bet poor nutrition lol. 

nursing diagnosis: poor self maintenance 

yesterday i got a sore throat after drinking some coffee, then i switched to hot tea and cough drops.. and in the middle of the night i got a swollen throat [not severe tho, but i could definitely feel it, and i could still breathe.] but i got so paranoid so i couldnt sleep for a few hours and finally i took an antihistamine pill. and the swelling went down. cause of the tea, i woke up 4 or 5 times to go pee during the night -____-.. that was annoying..

ive been non stop studying and doing my graded care plan.. im so exhausted.. i miss parties T-T.. i miss chillin w/ everyone.. i miss exercising.. im getting chubby and i miss caring for healthy foods lol.

i need a vacation. whens our break??? 

good news is, i get to go to the operation room twice this semester i get to see someone get sliced open, woohoo! lol

oh gosh im stressin @.@

i MUST get a good grade for my next two tests. and i WILL get a good grade!!! >:]

its 4:24AM right now. im up studying.. coffeee!!!!

im bad tho.. cause Jay and i went to go watch Real Steel @ walnut creek century.. @ 10:30pm.. hehe.. cause Jay really wanted to see it. so i gave in and promised id stay up studying. which i did. and decided to blog b4 going to sleep. we also went to Mel's diner afterwards, got hungry and i needed coffee to stay up.

when we got home, in the car, i had this very sharp pain on the left side of my chest. it was so weird.. never felt it b4. it actually felt like a small pebble going through a valve in my heart or something.. i hope it doesnt happen again.. prolly from stress and coffee..?? cause earlier in the day, around 7PM, i asked Jay to get me mocha frapp from starbucks to wake myself up from my 3 hr nap ..

i still feel like i didnt study enough..... ill do more tomorrow.

and the movie was ok. corny at times.. but not bad.

im super procrastinating!! ive been awake since noon (hehe..) and its been 4 hours.. and i havent done anything! i need to start studying ><... and start my graded care plan...

i need vacation.. everyday ive been studying ><

man i slept 10 or 11 hours last night and also the night b4.. i definitely caught up with sleeping.

but i have to wake up at 6:45 am tomorrow ><.. cause i have work at 8am till 3:30pm.. and then ima study at the library or wherever

i just watched Pay It Forward.. such a good movie. i cried at the end again.

Jay replaced my deck in my car w/ his. now the back speakers work he says thats his anniversary gift to me.. but i dont want it to be.. LOL. 

what should i get him for our anni??? i just realized it!!! i have no clue... hmmm

im loney..... i mean.. i have Jay of course. but i also need friends. and no one is around anymore! :/... well at least i saw Hang and Rox recently. but still... i kinda adjusted to not seeing friends now.. but i still miss you guys.

yes ive been super duper busy! ><

clinicals are ok. so far seen some neat things. like an open incision wound.. echo cardiograph.. chest x-ray being done.. modified barium swallow x-ray.. carotid ultrasound.. 

my patient this week was super awesome. he also had the same bday as me :]. he told me that he will be frank with me and that i am timid.... which i know of.. but it's still hard to take the truth, but i accepted it. he told me that i need to be assertive and have balls and to kick butt cause i should be in charge, but his wife was saying that i can be w/e i should be to be a great nurse and that im very nice.

i think he's right tho.. i need to be more assertive and confident ><... its hard cause of my itsy bitsy voice -___-.. ppl cant hear me unless i tone my voice deeper.. sigh... 

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i think its foolish to show the amount of your money in your bank accounts, posted in a pic, for everyone to see online.... -.-;;... its like.. do you want ppl to mug you or something??? lol..

im getting chubbier -___-.. cause ive stopped working out completely and been studying and hw and then i need to relax at times. 

Jay is considering brown rice.. :O gasp!!

i miss their food

i miss their soothe sounding rain

i miss their night markets

i miss the beautiful sights of the mountains, the waterfalls, and the koi fishes

i miss my grandparents

i miss shopping there..

i especially miss the food.... hehe

exercising works wonders to the mental state :]

earlier, after i ate, i was sooo sluggish and tired.. all that energy to break down the carbs i just ingested! Jay and i made korean food! kalbi, anchovy, rice, seaweed, kelp, clear noodles, and crab cake... yummmmmm!

so anyways, i decided to run around the apartment complex by myself! ill admit, i was a lil scared cause its pittsburg. but after i half ran/half walked 1.4 miles (2 rounds around the complex), no dog chasing/biting me.. no car honking.. no person interrupting me. it was awesome. especially with the cool breeze

exercising also cheers me up too. especially when im depressed/angered/stressed.

anyways, i miss you guys.