so.. starting to have more interest in Ivan now.. lol. we text continuously [unless he's at work, or im busy doing my own thing]

Carl doesnt know that Ivan and i are talking.. but he knows that Ivan likes me.. yesterday we were all at Ivan's house [including Ronnie] and Carl was just acting so weird the whole time at Ivan's house... o.O... theres other details but i need to go back to study for my final tomorrow >.<

Ivan bought me a shirt from WongFu Productions, a "nice girl" shirt for my bday, and he was sooo corny but cute about it when giving it to me.

Ivan: you can wear it and think of me!... *tries to look away.. wtf did i just say expression* [me just laughing at him]

haha it was so cute.. later he texted me saying it was very awkward to say that cus he never said that before.

Jay seems kinda jealous... cus i asked if we could pray together later.. and he responded, "...why dont you just pray with Ivan?"...-___-;; 

Jay was also saying that he would've chosen Carl over Ivan.. and mentioned that Ivan seems cocky with his money. first of all, he doesnt even know Ivan yet o.O... so how can he say with just one thing he based it on. 

i honestly dont care about how much a guy makes, so long he isnt greedy about it or spends it as if its abundant. i mean, yes that Ivan makes a lot more than Carl, but its just that Ivan makes an effort to hang out with me and tries to impress me. you dont need money to hang out with me or to impress me. 

anyways... back to studying!

[edit]

Jay later apologized that he didnt mean to judge Ivan right away. and he feels that im finally replacing him.... wth??? -____-".... 

i dunno if i created mess lol.. or prolly let things happen. (lol that sounds worse than what it actually is)

anyways...

so Carl seems to be more.. i dunno how you say it... touchy? but not in a sexual way... 

like for example, when i hand him a cup, he keeps touching my hand with his, when he didnt really need to lol... cus i held the cup in a way for him to just grab it away, but when he grabs it, he kinda grabs where my hands are. 

and then recently, when we were in the comp room, when no one was really around, he would play with my hair briefly.. and sometimes would take out lint (or maybe a flake?) out of my hair if its there. 

and then... with Ivan..

he was about to give me a bday present, which was to treat me out to watch the Warriors game! i was like, what??? really???? awesome!!! xD... cus i never been to a bball game!... but then he told me the price X_X... it was $240+... so i was like, "uuhhh no its ok, i dont want you to spend that much money, didnt even know it cost that much!! @.@"... he said he was about to spend that much on me if my response was instead "dang! you baller you! youre nice!" haha.. cus he said he wanted to impress me, but since i said for him to not spend it, he didnt, which im glad. 

on Tuesday, we were both kinda depressed cus of our score on our assessment test.. so Ivan suggested we go get some ice cream and said that it was his treat. i told him that it was late already and that i would just go with him if he wants. i gave in and had a few scoops lol. we went to the marina, but just stayed in the car cus we had no idea where the nice part of the marina was and we didnt wanna get jumped haha! we just chatted, vented about how weird our families are.

then today, he told me he was going to bring me lunch. he sent a picture of a cute bento box with the rice looking like a puppy relaxing in the bowl. he said he was going to make me that (but he was just jk). and i was like, "aaww sooo cute!!" and he responded with, "....like you! " and... i dunno.. i kinda got disgusted by how corny/cheesy that was LOL... 

when he came, he brought me yummy sandwiches he bought, it was huge!! after we ate, and 10 mins b4 my lunch was over..

me: can i be frank with you?

Ivan: yea go ahead

me: so... this thing going on, w/e it is.. i just want to let you know that if youre looking for sex, don't waste your time

Ivan: *eyes gets big* 

me: (i couldnt help but laugh xD) cus.. i gotten closer to God, and i dont want to get into that anymore and wait until i get married.

Ivan: yea, i respect that . i just want to get to know you better. you're so down to earth and thats whats cool about you

me: oh.. ok. cool. and im not looking for a relationship/commitment type thing either, especially since were in school and trying to figure out our lives/career

Ivan: yea, same. what made you thought of this?

me: cus yesterday i overheard you and few of our classmates on a sexual topic regarding you! xD

Ivan: oh crap lol

so..... i guess Ivan and i are... sorta talking?... im confused. i think im just curious tho. i dont think i like him (yet??).. i do like how tall he is tho lol and trying to impress me xD

Jay says that Carl better step up his game. >.>;;... but.. i dont want to squash his heart, his heart looks fragile to me (maybe cus of his birth defect of his heart..), i wouldnt want to deeply hurt his feelings and would rather just remain friends. he is sweet tho. i think he deserves someone better for him. dont think that's me. 

oh and there was this physics question i came up with few years ago and i mentioned it to Carl, and he answered my question! yay! but anyways, he said that my thought that  came up with that question turned him on.. i responded with "WHOA! wtheck??" but he just laughed it off.

it annoys me how selfish Jason is -____-

he doesnt pay rent at all.. he's basically a freeloader.. he also lives at his friend's house and doesnt pay rent either.

he just cares about his car and spends all his money on that

he makes more than me and my parents combined right now

and yesterday, we were going to go to take the parents out for dinner for Mother's Day.. and my parents always eat at 6-6 30pm... but Jason wants to go at 7 30pm just cus he ate earlier and he's too busy playing an online game w/ ppl... -___-... really????... and my dad likes to be in bed by 9pm.. we didnt even get our food until 8-8:30pm -__-

i told him straight to his face how selfish he is, but it just seems like he's not getting the picture.

but at least he's considering to help out our parents when our dad loses his job some time this year cus the furniture store is running out of business.

ugh..

and my dad was telling Jason that he should pay for the whole dinner cus he makes the most money, and that its actually cultural that Jason is suppose to give me money sometimes because im younger and dont make that much right now. but Jason didn't want to, and wanted me and him (jason) to split the bill.

i dont care about receiving money from him, i just want him to consider family..