yesterday i was like "wow... no one posted up a blog @.@" lol

need to run few errands today..

return few things at winco cause i grabbed the wrong sauce -____-.. i was suppose to buy 4 pad thai sauce.. but instead i got tricked.. the front sauce was pad thai, and the back 3 that i grabbed along with it were thai curry sauce... TOTAL FAIL! lol... but there was enough pad thai sauce to cook with. the noodle boxes had sauce with them too.

i need to print out bank statements for my job so they can professionally determine how much they should pay me by looking at how much i spend on bills, gas, stuff relating to school... i hope food/groceries count lol. and im not sure how many months of statements am i suppose to show???... im guessing 6 months?? o.O...

im debating whether to keep this type of insurance or not.. i pay 25.99 dollars a month.. it doesnt cover a whole lot tho.. but it would cover some emergency visits, physician visits.. eye and dental too. and i can use it at any facility. takes into effect in february tho.

i wanna buy the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and make Jay watch it tnight ... even tho its such a chick flick :]

i need more fiber...

hmm i dunno what happened to JanJan's present ... they didnt send me an email that its been shipped...... i tried calling them but the number doesnt work.. ok so my bro called and it worked lol. i left them a call back number and my order number

im so mad right now at myself.... and at my teacher.. -____-...... ugh! dont feel like explaining ><

Jay got me a $200+ white/beige peacoat, 2 stuffed animal T.Y. baby tigers [one big, one small], and an i-need massager which was prolly around $100

@.@... omgah he's so broke lol

i break his bank!

i got him a black peacoat haha.. great minds think alike. and i got him a mustache trimmer.. but i think he doesnt need it.. >.>.... oh well! thought that counts!

i need to give everyone their gift... i still havent received JanJan's gift in the mail yet... and i still need to buy Krystle's gift ..... i tried actually going to the store to find it but they are sold out too -_____-

Christmas eve - went out with the parents to eat at Da Naang for lunch

                       around 7PM, went with Jay to his parent's house. it was interesting lol. his parents are friendly and fun. played few family games with them. yummie food :9

                       im not sure if his mom likes me.. i think she thinks im ok. i think his dad accepts me cause he looks like the type of dad who doesnt mind who his son goes out with lol

Christmas - went to Ihop with Jay, went to his house to just chill. watched a Dr. Seuss movie with the elephant and the whosville. then watched some of Kung Fu Panda. Ivan and two of his cousins came over for a lil bit. then watched the Dallas Cowboys NFL game against the Cardinals. cowboys lost, but it was a good game. hella close ><..we got bored. so we went to my house to just cuddle some more lol.

today - Jay and i went to sunvalley mall. i was looking for a bra. lol.. bought one from H&M. cheap and worth it .. then went to walnut creek outlet mall to try to find Krys's gift but failed. saw the cutest shibu inu puppy!!!!

Jay was complaining all day that he didnt wanna go to the party tnight -_______-... he thought it was gonna be lame..

later, went to Rave to maybe watch a movie. bumped into Geron and Josh! us 4 had like.. a spontaneous double date lol.. watched The Fockers. it was alright, funny. then we decided to eat at Mel's afterwards. then parted ways.

went to the party and it actually wasnt that bad. the only bad part for me was that ppl were smoking inside the "suite" [way too small of a suite!].. dying.. @.@...

i only got slight weight buzzed lol.

im afraid for Jay cause he might get kicked out of his house cause his house is on auction right now ><.... cause his parents actually have the house under their name.. they just gave it to Jay's sister and brother in-law. but his parents got bad credit now, so now his house is on auction.... =/...

what sucks more is that he is being threatened to be fired cause his supervisor and him hate each other ><... i keep telling him to not fight back.. but Jay is stubborn and assertive and wont let anyone walk over him. his supervisor does sound like a total biotch tho.

he did apply for Krys's dad's job. Shell refinery job??..

if he gets that job and everything is going good, then he'll get an apartment and hopefully i can move in with him :]... but we might need rentors.. but i dunno who can rent ><... his friends are smokers.. Uly doesnt have a job right now.. Rox is staying with her sis already.. Hang prolly wont move out cause of parents lol.. Anielle needs to be with her mommy too.. and everyone else is already settled with where they are.

sleepy..

im so mad.. i have a B in drama 15 -______-.... sigh.....

thanks guyzzz!

yea if i did go clubbing he would be irritated. but thats not the reason why i wouldnt go clubbing. i really dont care if i dont go clubbing anymore. im really just trying to consider how he feels.

yea... jay is a big baby.. hehe

he only looks for my attention because im the only one who will give it to him lol. im like his drug. i make him feel the happiest, so whats the first thing he would wanna do? keep using this substance [me] haha..

sure he has a lot of friends.. but im the one he vents to. b4, he would smoke and that would make him relax. but since he quit smoking, he doesnt know what else to turn to except me. to this day, he still craves to smoke, but he knows if he starts smoking again he will lose me.

which is why im sorry that i keep leaving at night to see him.. =/.. since he is sooooo stressed out from work, he needs me so he can vent and i could try to relax him. like i said, im like his outlet.

but we were talking last night.. and he said its ok, i can go hang out with my friends. so.. yea ill stick around longer.. but if he really needs me, like needs a shoulder to lean on cause he had a f*cked up day, then ill go to him.

i feel ya Hang... i feel like its so hard to please everyone at the same time -______-....

like today.. i was happy to hang out with Krys, Peter, Hang, and Rodi. but at the end of it, we were gonna go eat out for dinner, but Jay got me hella irritated! so i bailed.. =/.. didnt feel like eating with anyone anymore. but it wasnt only Jay who was irritating me.. >.>.. it was also cause my friends [excluding Hang and Peter cause they werent really saying anything] were pressuring me too.... sigh.... i hate being pulled between ppl i care about @.@..... and want me to choose them over the other ><....... so thats why i was like "screw it! im just going home -.-".... and i usually dont do this, but i was so frustrated cause i couldnt do what everyone wanted me to do!!

so i talked to Jay about it on the phone in front of Krys's house.. even tho everyone else left.

issue and assumption: Jay wouldnt eat unless its with me

detailed assumption: it became a routine for him to eat with me after his work so now he depends on me with eating. i felt bad that he wouldn't eat without me, so i was asking my friends if it would be ok if i just see them some other time and go to him so he would eat. friends got irritated how he was being. they were trying to convince me to stay with them. telling me i need to put him in his place.

truth: eating isnt really his thing. he could go with drinking tea all day and be full. when he sees me, and since i love food and always eating, he thinks of it and would eat with me. not healthy or good... but its just how he is.. he wasnt even hungry when i was talking to him tnight. he was actually letting me go eat with my friends.. but all i heard from him was "want me to go with you?" and i said "wouldnt that be awkward? [cause of Peter and Nach]"... but he really said, "want me to pick you up after?"... so he was willing to wait.

conclusion: misunderstanding. he assumed a lot and i assumed some too.

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issue and assumption: Jay thinks i choose my friends over him.

detailed assumption: he thinks this because i wasnt there when he needed me most. thinks the party is more important than him.

truth: he had a horrible day the night of Donnalyn's bday party. he called me saying his supervisor yelled at him, embarrassed him in front of the state [ppl who come to check out to see if everything is good], he burned 2 pots, his car stops working and its raining. so yea... he had it bad... he felt like i wasnt there for him. he said if i were in his position, he would tell his friends that he needs to be with me and his friends would understand.. but i didnt do that for him, so his feelings got hurt. he says that he really loves me and would do anything for me, even if its to leave his friends for me, cause his friends would understand.

but my friends do not...... >.>.....

and i have a different perspective..i think that if i was in Jay's position of having a horrible day, i would still call him, but just let him know whats up and that today sucked. but i would still let him have fun cause he already had plans from the beginning and understand that he would come to me to support me when he is able to.

i think there should be a balance of friends vs. relationship.

but Jay doesnt have a different outlet... in the past, his outlet was smoking, but he gave that up for me.

conclusion: he says he's going to depend on me less..... =/... but doesnt know what his outlet should be..

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issue and assumption: Jay keeps thinking i kept postponing hanging out with him tnight. he told me he would just see me tomorrow with a disappointing tone..

detailed assumption: he thought we were at the restaurant already since i asked him "what do you want from Mimi's cafe?".. we were spose to eat around 6PM. he thought that meant he should get out soon so he can be on time to see me when im finished eating with everyone. so he got out early even tho he told me he gets out at 7:30...he got out around 6:50 , so i felt rushed since we were still in traffic ><..

truth: there were many delays... like waiting for Nach to get out of work, traffic on the way home, had to go to Krys's house first, havent arrived to the restaurant yet. i really did want to see Jay tho. i didnt tell Jay where i was at the time and i didnt tell him there were delays and didnt tell him we havent arrived at the restaurant until later.

conclusion: again, misunderstanding.

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issue and assumption: Jay wont let me go clubbing

detailed assumption: Krys and Rodi dont think its fair and thinks he is ruining my nightlife

truth: i honestly dont care haha. i feel like my clubbing moods are over. and i know that Jay wouldnt stop me from clubbing, he just says he wouldnt like me to but not gonna stop me. plus he isnt much a clubber himself. but i am CONSIDERING his FEELINGS. so this is more of what i want to do.

conclusion: i prolly wont go clubbing anymore because i CARE how Jay feels about it.

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issue: Jay feels like he is the only one who is accommodating to my wants

truth and conclusion: well...... its true. i cant really help it. what he wants is really different from mines. his perspectives is different from mines. but he is the only one who is willing to change it. honestly, i cant change and he knows it. he doesnt want to lose me, so he's willing to change for me. he says "im going to change for you because i love you." he says im really different from his ex's.. for example: if he tells his past gfs "i dont like him, im uncomfortable if youre with him".. his past gfs would be like "ok, i wont talk to him anymore".... but i still talk to Peter.. and i still talk to few of my ex's... <.<... cause they are my friends.

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issue and assumption: he feels like he's an asshole or that my friends perceive him as one.

detailed assumption: no one really knows the whole truth when it comes to finding out whats going on between us. what i repeat to you guys from what Jay says doesnt have the same meaning or i dont tell the full detail... or i say it differently and the meaning gets twisted. or i dont say other details which makes you guys assume other things which i dont mean to happen.

truth: its really hard for me to remember everything unless i sit down and think.. but with everything going on at the same time, i forget a lot.

conclusion: when shit happens between me and Jay, i wont say whats going on anymore. he feels like i make him sound like an asshole.. >.>.. so i just wont say in person whats going on. just in general stuff, like "its going good" or.. "were in bad terms right now, but i dont wanna talk about it".... and i mean this only in person. im still gonna rant on this blog xD.. just dont tell anyone hehe...

my bad if any of this confused you haha. im sleepy.. and hungry now.

OMG.... last night was the worst feeling EVER!!!!! Jay and i went to shirasoni yesterday. i ordered kara roll... it looked unprofessionally done.... it said in the description that it has unagi and salmon on top... but only 3 of the sushis had unagi.. and it was on the end... and the rest was salmon.. o.O.. weird.... when we were done eating, thats when i started feeling nauseous... ><... i was moaning and groaning all the way home.. i was even squeezing Jay's hand all the way home. lol it sounds like im about to give birth hahaha...

i really felt like vomiting.. but i hate vomiting so i held it in... i drank tea and payed several visits to Dr. Toilet... haha..... >.>.. Jay went by himself and went to safeway to buy medicine and gatorade. i was losing electrolytes =/.. and getting very dehydrated...

why does rubbing the tummy make you feel better? o.O..

when i was laying down and acting like a big baby, i made Jay rub my tummy. i got irritated cause he kept doing it wrong, and he said something i forgot what.. and i said

me: f*ck you!
Jay: what? *looks a bit annoyed*
me:uh.... aaahhh!! i feel so nauseous! ><
Jay: LOL...
me: heehee.

xD.....

and then he started getting irritated cause of couple times mentioning the party tomorrow -_____-... and he said that maybe he shouldnt be clingy anymore. but i dunno.. i kinda like his clinginess, like i grew attached to it too. its just him getting irritated at me going to parties without him that just gets me annoyed a lil..

blah.. anyways, today gonna go to inshape with Krys cause she got gift cards for it?.. and then gonna go visit Amy at evil shirasoni.. lol. and then go to target to buy fake lashes, few dvds, and maybe some ferrero rochers for my coworkers and Jay..

this lap top is pretty koo :]... the new one i bought

man i am sooo broke ...... after buying everyone's gifts. all thats left is Krys' gift... cause its out of stock nooooo!!! xO....

Jay can get frustrating sometimes.. cause he doesnt like me going to parties without him -____-.... and im going to 2 parties.. one on saturday, and one on monday. he wonders why he's not invited to Donnalyn's bday party. i think Krys didnt wanna invite him honestly.. >.>... even tho she just says "they dont really talk".... i dont even talk to her! haha.. but i guess cause im a girl, thats why im invited. its just that Jay got more irritated knowing that Peter is going... <.<.....

a few days ago, this guy from me and Rox's PE swimming class came and sat with me during my break from work.. its funny cause his name is Peter too. he's this big black guy but he seems really nice.

Peter: can i sit here?
me: oh, hi Peter, sure!
Peter and i: *talking about finals*
me: *putting stuff away cause i need to get back to work*
Peter: i was wondering if i could get your number so i can talk to you sometime?
me: oh.. i dont really give my number out to ppl i dont really know..
Peter: you mean to strangers?
me: well.. yea, but also cause i have a bf and he wouldnt like that..
Peter: oh ok. he is really lucky to have you :]
me: aw.. thanks! well i have to go, i need to go to work
Peter: i know.. ive seen you there..
me: ok, bye! :]

he kind of sounded a lil stalkerish there haha.

i had a weird dream! it was kind of like.. Shutter Island and Case 39 [except the scary parts]

there was this white lady, named Olivera or Olivia?, she adopted a white baby girl. the baby girl grew up until she was like.. 10 years old and loved her mommie. i think she had a husband... not sure.. but the girl started finding out new things through the husband i think... she found out that Olivera use to be in a mental institute for quite some time. and she was really crazy. in the mental institute, she referred herself as someone else.. but then she all of a sudden she acted "normal" and started to refer to her real name [Olivera]. the ppl in charge decided because she had good behavior for a while, they decided she was "cured" and let her go. now, the girl started seeing her mom become crazy.. like holding a knife or w/e.. i dont really remember... the girl started seeing her mom's true nature and that her mom was pretending all this time of being what society thought was "normal".. regardless of her craziness, the daughter still loved her mom. and the ppl in charge at the mental institute found out she was crazy again, so they chased after the mom, husband[?], and daughter. they went to climb a thin bean stock! which somehow was inside a big green tube..... and at the top was a portal to their home.................THE END!

yay!!

goshes Hang! you post so much haha! i just got done reading them all!

i finally got to hang out with Krys. like one-on-one. it was SPOSE to be girls night but everyone bailed on her xD..

omgah.. Jay was being such a baby! he was being all sad and sighing a lot because i was "leaving" him to go have the "girls night" at Krys' house. -____-.. i started not to care anymore .... i kept telling him "ill always see you.. its not like this is your only day off.. ill prolly live with you in the future anyways [when i transfer and he gets apartment hopefully]".. and then eventually i was saying somethin like "common! get over it" haha

Jay's so sweet tho :]... he's always putting me first. like his room is soooo cold! and so he got a electronic heater blankie and put it on HIGH! i was sooooooo comfy and cozy!!!! but he was hella hot and perspiring hahaha... ...

and whenever i get hungry, he is so determined to feed me. even if it means to go out and eat even tho he isnt hungry... and he'll just force himself to eat.. >.>...... he's so chubbie haha. its actually kinda nice to cuddle up with someone who is chubbie cause its so cozy and warm..

i might be let go from my job in january cause i have only a lil amount of the grant left. [i get paid by the fed w/ a grant]... so the director is deciding whether or not to keep me and pay me with LMC's budget

aahhhh so much hw to do!!!

remember this sunday is my presentation! at Jay's house! at 8PM! there will be lasagna!

dec. 2nd was me and Jay's 1st monthiversary. we ate at this Thai restaurant in walnut creek that we've never been to.. its called Do Sit Thai Cuisine lol.. funny name.. to me it was good. Jay didnt like it tho.. it is a bit pricey =/..the decor was nice.

afterwards, Jay wanted to get a hotel.. so we went to the hilton hotel in concord [right in front of claim jumpers haha]. it was so expensive... >.>.. i offered to pay half but Jay refused.. it was around $140 for one night! x.x.... so i paid for the dinner and i also paid for breakfast next morning at ihop.

yes, we spend lots of money ..... haha

im so proud for Jay, he became the cook at his job, so he got a raise! :]

today i finally hung out with Uly lol. dunno when was the last time we hung out one on one xD.. went to winco for groceries. i told him my situation with Jay and Peter/Nach.. and Uly says at least he is being real about it and not hiding it.

got a random call from Krys inviting me to a masquerade party... so last minute lol. so i declined cause i already made plans to cook Jay dinner.

after dropping Uly off, went straight home. made pad thai.. it tasted good, but the noodles were still a tiny bit hard ><... oh well. Jay loved it anyways :]

Jay and his friends have a different perspective of relationships vs. friendships than my group of friends.. cause with my group, theres a balance between friends and SO.. with Jay and his group, they all understand that when someone gets into a relationship, that someone will disappear for a while cause they are busy with their SO lol and they dont make a big deal out of it. they all dont mind PDA too.. and dont care about being a third wheeler.. xD... so different! haha. cause they know that someone will come back eventually and they will always accept them back. its just a situation with different perspectives.

oh yea, i talked to Peter already, and he understands why Jay doesnt really like him lol... he knows how relationships can get this and that and blah! i apologized to him, but he says its all good.

i heard about some stuff from his ex that made me think im glad for not going out with Peter tho.. [not that i was ever thinking about going out with him lol]. but as a friend, Peter is a good guy :].. and i can still catch up with him when were in groups. i dont really need one on one time with friends anyways. the more the marrier!

title is overdramatic

anyways..

argh!! a lil frustrated -_____-... im hungry... and i need to start hw... but that isnt the issue

Jay hates Peter and Nach.

why? cause i promised i wouldnt hang out with Peter alone.... but i did on tuesday just to get starbucks. only hung out for 30 mins. i couldnt say "no" ><... he kept asking, "wanna get pho?... how about coffee?... ok then how about hot cocoa?"... i couldnt say "no" to everything.. i felt bad ><.. plus he is just my friend!

so eventually i told Jay and he got mad at me -_____-... cause i broke the promise and now he hates him even more cause of it.

eventually Jay said sorry to me cause its unfair to me

then yesterday, at Krys's party.. i went to hug Nach and Peter cause they were standing outside the restaurant. Jay got irritated and said "you left me for them" -.-... im like.. are you serious!?.. i didnt leave him! i went to hug my friends. gosh!!!!

when Jay went to the bathroom, Nach spoke to me saying "your b-friend is a hater! xD.. but i personally find it funny!"... and i didnt know what to say.. >.>.. so i just said "uh... yea.... but we're still koo right!? " and he says "oh, yea! were golden!!" lol..

when we got to Krys's house [b4 everyone got there], Jay and i talked outside and he asked me whats wrong. i told him that i think its unfair and everything. he understands that its unfair to me and he's sorry to me.. but he cant help how he feels. he knows he's the jealous type. he kept asking me what i want him to do. and i told him i didnt know cause he cant help the way he feels. and then he bends on his knees and kisses my hand.. and im like in my head "awww... " haha xD.. anyways, i told him that its not koo to take it out on me. he knows im right. but the promise i broke just keeps replaying back in his head -______-......

i didnt mean to... his words confused me @.@... i took it literally when he said "if you hang out with Peter, just dont tell me".... he told me this a while ago.. and yesterday he told me "its like going behind my back" is what he really meant and that i shouldnt do it......... the thing is, i am oblivious to that hahaha... im like a dude, i need things straightforward... he says that its up to me because they're my friends and he cant stop me.

but i get irritated back when he gets irritated at me

we made up, but not really the issue??... i think its just that i cant hang out with Peter alone.. like i need my other friends with us. Jay just hates Nach cause he is associated with Peter and mainly for the fact how Nach acted towards Jay at the halloween party.. >.>...

*sings* why cant we be friends

oh well.. just gotta work it out somehow.. relationships always comes with problems that need to get solved one way or the other.