omgah... while i was gone this week you guys posted sooooooo many blogs haha

i just got done reading them. 

ill tell you guys about my trip later. :]

i wonder what krystle will say when i tell her about my situation with jay..

jay and i still havent talked about it.. >.>.. i wonder if we will talk about it today..

my recent annoyances/pet peeves:

-i agree with hang. i get sooo annoyed when ppl dont respond to both questions... especially with texting or IMing... they just answer the latter question rather than both and i have to repeat myself -___-... i mean.. are ppl blind???????? sheesh.. and if i do that to ppl and they tell me, i would at least apologize. 

-being ignored/unnoticed. one time, i was the first to be inside the library b4 the skill final started.. and i reserved the BIG room. then ronnie came in, and i told him to tell everyone to meet us here. and i guess everyone gave him credit for getting the room. but i wasnt concerned over that, i didnt care, i was focusing on passing the final. and our classmate bobby was there in the room, and right b4 we headed up to the computer rooms, we were in the lobby... and bobby asks me "why werent you in the big study room??" and i was literally like.. D: .... what??? i was there the whole freaking time!!!!!!!!

and another time.. after the theory final, i was chatting with carl, ronnie, bobby, and kelly. we were of course discussing about the final. and i randomly, loudly asked, "did you guys see the solar eclipse yesterday? "...... *BAM!* IGNORED!... .. and they continue to talk about the final. lol..

and sometimes jay doesnt answer me whenever i tell him somethin. like a story, or what happened in my day.. or w/e! i just tell him, and then he just keeps doing what he does. no reassurance that he listened... and so i ask him "did you hear me? hello?" and he said "im listening!" and im like... WELL SAY SOMETHING!!! -____-

-when ppl enter an asian home and dont take off their shoes [lol!!... ronnie]

-when ppl who have fb, and receive fb invites, they dont freaking read the information!.. i had sooo many questions.. "what time is it at?".. "what?? its a potluck!?!?" -_-;;... 

-when ppl say they will go, but ended up not going and didnt even tell me. w/e

..........................................

anyways.. i give up with trying to make jay quit.. yesterday he didnt know where his electronic cig was... so i just told him to go smoke. see? i dont care anymore.. therefore i dont think our relationship will last. i mean, thats not the only reason of course. 

i still need to do half of the dishes T-T.... im feeling lazy... 

omgah i wanna go clubbing!! and camping!! hope geron plans it! lol

my grades:

Skills: A

Pharm: B

Theory: C

lol

anyways, looking forward to seeing friends this friday :]

i dont know why he keeps bringing it up!

i told him so many times we will discuss it after finals!! -____-".....

like i can be stressed even more??? ><.. 

SIGH

anyways... on a lighter note.. sort of..

i OVERALL passed my theory class.. totally failed the final, but im at 76%ish

passed my skills test with an 83% :].. so i think overall im at 84%?

all thats left is pharm! ><... so far i have an 87%

so tired of studying -__-.. i could never have imagined ive gone this far lol..

on another bad note..

my friend Jade failed her exam today ... and overall failed so far.. she just needs our teacher to drop a couple points.. i think 3, for her to pass! i really hope they do ><... i would really miss her if she didnt make it! ><

"Tae Yang wasnt meant to be in clothes"

^hahahaha that cracked me up xD

it was a comment on one of his mv's

i think im starting to fall out of love :/..

realizing that he's not planning to quit for me feels that he doesnt love me enough. 

and then thinking that he's been lying almost all our relationship keeps playing in the back of my mind. 

sorry if this is TMI lol, 

i was trying to be intimate with him, but he kinda ignored it and just kept texting on his phone. so i was like.. "im gonna go study, have a test tomorrow".. i was mad and i locked the door. after 5 mins he tried coming in and i told him i was mad and only then he wanted to be intimate.. i wasnt really in the mood anymore, i was totally turned off, but i just went with it. 

im not really too sure.. but im leaning over to more of just being friends. 

sooo.. since Hang doesnt have a phone.. ill just update briefly on here.

so basically, Jay and I were on the verge of breaking up yesterday

Jay lied to me again that he smoked and been smoking at work. and now that all the things he's been telling me is all coming together. 

like how he feels insecure [bcus i might break up with him]; he thinks im too good for him; doesnt want to talk about marriage/doesnt know if he wants to marry [bcus of his bad habit and that i am trusting him less bcus of this lie]

after talking to Uly, Anielle, David, and Mitul.. i feel better. i have made my conclusion of this situation.

just now, Jay texted me.

Jay: i know i f*cked up... n if you leave or dont wanna stay with me ill understand i dont wanna hurt u with this phase of insecurity im going through. i do feel like i drifted away from you n you pointed that out yesterday i wish we can still be happy with the way i am now but seeing you cry makes me feel like you wont be happy anymore with me. im scared to lose you your the perfect girl n im messing up because of bad habits. 

me: for now.. i want to just stay together and love each other for the moment and continue to love each other. and who knows what may happen. b4 we ever went out, you said you stopped this habit for me, so i gave you a chance. then you confessed you smoked.. and i felt lied to but i gave you another chance. and again his time im lied to again... but i still love you and hope that from the time were still together that you will quit eventually.

few days ago, Jay was mentioning that he feels like he's not himself.. that everything he does isnt him. like going to school [since he hates it], not smoking and still strongly craves it.. i guess in general, not doing what he use to do b4 i came. 

but i mean.. i didnt tell him to do any of these things in the first place. 

and then he mentioned like he's having a midlife crisis o.O.... he's only 27 years old!! lol.. 

i forgot what he said.. but i think now he's not ready for marriage [now im definitely not proposing ever lol.. not like i was going to anyways]

ive always told him its up to him in what he wants to do/should do. 

he asked me if he started smoking, would i break up with him? or would i just tolerate it?

i told him.. that i wouldnt break up with him but strongly encourage him to quit.. and that if he continues, ill be sad and wouldnt kiss/hug him until he washes himself. 

and then he asks why i would put up with it.. and that it would make sense that i should break up with him if im not happy cause why would you stay in a relationship if youre not happy. 

i think he's sad because i wouldnt be able to accept who he really is.. and he said that im too good for him... wha??? o.O

but then it made me think that maybe he doesnt accept how I AM. and then i started thinking and started crying. he asked why i was crying and i said that i felt like he's just going to be like my other exes and take me for granted and not see how good we are already. and then i was depressed the rest of the day -_-.. when i started crying, he held on to me tighter and says he loves me. 

eventually i went to escape my reality by sniffin coke.. haha jk. but i escaped reality by watching kdrama xD

i later asked him how we would split everything IF we were to break up @.@... it would be sooo complicated lol!!.. he said he just wants the tv haha xD.. and that he would pay me for it still. 

i think this conversation made me feel more cautious in our relationship. i still trust him and love him and would still marry him if we go that far. but for now, ill love him for the moment and continue to love him.

and if it turns out we weren't meant for each other, ill do as i always do. go thru my phase of depression, and get over it cause life goes on. and then go thru my phase of "ill never go out ever again! boys are stupid! ill just date and dump".... haha! 

anyways, after that day, things were still normal and we're still lovey dovey to each other. 

rodi posted a youtube video about this soldier talking about rfid chips and something about swine flu vaccination??... 

its scary.. it sounds like the book of revelations from the bible is coming true. :/

talking about wearing a chip [a law obama passing? passed?] on our hand.. to know where we are, to know were not immigrants. the youtube video also mentioned something about swine flu.. i forgot.. that if we dont get it, then we will be sent off on a bus.... i dunno. i want to research it more, but i have a test to study >

"¹⁶ It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, ¹⁷ so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark,which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.

¹⁸ This calls for wisdom. Let the person who has insight calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man.^[a] That number is 666."

revelations 13:16-18

freakn Jay cut his finger.. like sliced a center-meter of skin off >< and i guess he cut a venule [like a smaller vein, but bigger than capillaries]

he was trying to teach me how to clean and cut papano fish while i was washing the pot for it. 

and he couldnt stop bleeding for hecka long!! i used some gauzes and wrapped it up with my nursing tape, but it still soaked thru..

so i learned something new, he has a very very very long clotting time. maybe he has low platelet count.. 

i told him that he needs to put continue pressure on it, and to NOT keep checking if it clotted or not, cause once you move the cloth/napkin/tissue off the wound, it can take the clot off too and continue to bleed! -_-.. but he was stubborn.. i also told him to keep it elevated above his heart.

i looked up online that it says to keep it under pressure for 15 mins. but then even after 15 mins it still bled a lot..

he soaked one wash cloth already ><.. 

i went to raley's and walmart to find a blood clotting spray but couldnt find any there :/..

so then he used super glue on it and it finally clot. looks hecka ugly tho. there were a few times the blood leaked thru the super glue even tho it already hardened @.@... and he just used more super glue.. hopefully it stopped... hopefully the glue holds thru.. he put a finger glove thing on [looks like a small condom lol]. hope he can work tomorrow.. i hope theres nothing toxic in that particular super glue. cause ive looked up some forums that super glue does work to help clot, but just make sure theres no ethyl in it.